Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
