I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize