You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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