Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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