12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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