My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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