I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
