Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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