I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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