i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
