I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize