i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
