do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
