I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I licked your asshole in confidence.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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