i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize