sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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