Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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