We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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