How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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