I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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