his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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