shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
