Dual....:-)
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
