I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize