yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
