I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
