we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
