Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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