I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
