Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
