Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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