He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
