I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
