Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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