This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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