i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
