I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
