Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize