Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
