my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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