i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
