The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
