I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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