Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
