Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
