just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
