i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
