Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
