I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
