we made out on top of his cat.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
