I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
