Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
