That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
