I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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