I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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