Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
