i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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