she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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