how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I party with great urgency now.
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