woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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