made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
