I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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