Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
