woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
