"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
