We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
