that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
