You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize