she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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