I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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