i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
