Christians are straight up FREAKS
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
