What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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