the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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