She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize