I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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