she woke up with a sticky ear
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
