GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize