Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
