I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
