Plan B is the new Plan A
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize