You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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