I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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