census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
