tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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