I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
