Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
