Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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