You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
