wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
