some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
