I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
