so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
