i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
