I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize