OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
